Silence of the Cats
Cats don’t talk. Reading an article about animal writers, a pet writer was interviewed and explicitly stated that pets don’t talk, cats especially. And a writer should never submit anything with a cat that talks.
Beanty is a grey domestic short hair. Perhaps your cat is an orange tabby or rambunctious Scottish fold who loves boxes. When I say cats communicate quite clearly. I think you’ll agree. What’s the harm in going a step further and lending them the words they’re unable to say – they don’t have lips.
Media companies can produce a television show with a talking horse and a dog whose barks can be understood by humans but a cat that communicates in a story is the mark of a crazy cat lady? Apparently.
We dress them in bizarre clothing, and that’s okay. There are cat capes, dresses, booties and wigs. I’m partial to cat wigs myself. Can there be anything better than a tortoiseshell cat in a hot pink wig?
We can give them human names and read up on how to improve their diets and that’s okay. We anthropomorphize them in every other way but draw a line in the sand when it comes to language?
Is the mix of cats and language a potentially lethal cocktail of madness? Do they have the power to unleash a deadly new virus when trying to pronounce a long vowel? Does the scientific community know something we don’t?
It’s hard to enjoy a story with a talking cat – unless it’s in the first person and reasonably intelligent (a certain grey cat comes to mind) – but I don’t understand the taboo. Then again, maybe I do.
I draw the line at baby talk and kitten pidgin. I don’t believe there’s ever been a cat that spoke broken English with the intellectual fervor of a backwater squirrel. A cat would say many things, least of which is, Why isn’t my box clean or Who the hell moved this chair?
You’ll forgive me. My cat is the sort that asks lots of questions. Any change to his world requires a thorough investigation and close questioning of all parties.
Perhaps your cat isn’t as thoughtful. Perhaps he begins every other sentence with You’re damn right…
The important thing is not to be confused by their round heads, soft bellies and the fact that they lick themselves. They’re just short. Short not dumb. Short with no lips. That describes a lot of people. Truman Capote comes to mind. Smart man. Snappy dresser too.
They want us to believe that cats don’t talk. I understand. I do. Cat lovers are strange enough. We can’t have a bunch of people covered in cat hair, walking around recounting conversations with their cats during office potlucks. Suffering through a co-worker’s after Christmas Boo-Boo-Kitty screensaver slideshow is enough.
But they do talk. And if we can somehow manage to put down the cat wigs and calico dresses long enough we’d realize that they have far more intelligent things to say.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to explain why the hell I moved a chair.
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That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Has this pet writer checked out animal research at all?
Cats understand hundreds of words and can remember them. Their vocal chords are able to formulate the words they understand better than dogs can.
Based on the research I had found on communicating with chimps, dogs, and cats, I set out to see how much my cat I raised from three days old could understand and vocalize. As a kitten, my cat Spunky picked up more on food words, but he also knew my name. He had trouble pronouncing the “k” and the “th”, so it sounded like “atrin” versus Katherine.
My other male cats, Sandy and Baby would vocalize “hungry” “water” “want out” In fact when it came to the word “hungry” Sandy and Snow Baby came up with their own way to tell me they were both hungry. Sandy would say “hung” and Baby would walk around Sandy and say “ree.”
Sandy also decided on his own that “water” was actually “ehr” and that he was actually saying, “want ehr.”
I found out that I was the stupid one.
.-= Kat-Renee Kittel´s last [blog post:] ..Slickfester Dude Tells Bedtime Stories =-.
oh and you’re ranting is totally funny. I love the “why the hell did you move that chair!” I guess my cats are old enough to start typing better English or maybe I should just do the typing for them.
Katie Kat
.-= Kat-Renee Kittel´s last [blog post:] ..Slickfester Dude Tells Bedtime Stories =-.
one more thing… hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of reprinting a portion or your story for my blog readers and asking them to come and comment. Your writing style is very funny.
You can also put a linkie to your blog at blog.catblogosphere.com
And I think you deserve the reward: All my kids have fur. The jpg is on my blog.
Katie Kat
.-= Kat-Renee Kittel´s last [blog post:] ..Silence of the Cats? =-.
Katie,
Yeah, don’t they have an amazing way of making us feel that way? Thanks for the award. I’m really glad you think enough of the story to share it with your readers.
You are correct. My kid does have fur. My mother would be so pleased…
Oh yes, we could speak if we wanted to. If we did, you would start cutting us up for research and, damn, we’re all tortchured enough already for dumb reasons. Oh, and we really want to know…why did you move that chair?
.-= Zippy, Sadie and Speedy´s last [blog post:] ..Please come home… =-.
You’re absolutely right. They’d be on a cutting board faster then you can say Meow Mix.
They’re not dumb. Just short with bad breath.